We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
