her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
