Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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