This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
