Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
