There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
