i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
