I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
