im about as happy as oj after his trial
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
