we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
