someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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