So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize