Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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