8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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