Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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