At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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