Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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