My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
