some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
