He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
