all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
