is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
