By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
false alarm, still single
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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