My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
