Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
