what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
