maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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