i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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