Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
