are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
