She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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