Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
