so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
