it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
porn star boner night. come get it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
