Screwed.edu
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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