went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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