Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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