I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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