Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
