one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
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