Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize