you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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