Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
