he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
