the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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