Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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