Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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