So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
