Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
