Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
