my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
