He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
