In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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