May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize