So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
