Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I faked an abortion last night.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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