I just threw up on my dentist
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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