This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
