By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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