My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize