It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
