he shaved USA in his pubs
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
