My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
