I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
