Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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