You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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