You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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