guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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