It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
