hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
