Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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