She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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