I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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