My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
