I bet he comes in French.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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